In Virtuosity (Brett Leonard, 1995), an uncharacteristically happy-looking Russell Crowe hams it up as a serial killer computer program who becomes real and, er, something, something. But fear not! On hand to stop him is cop-turned-convict Denzel Washington because, er, something, something. I think I've said enough, folks - it's a big pile of shite. Watch The Matrix instead.
Warrior (Gavin O'Connor, 2011) is about two estranged brothers (Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton) who end up competing in a winner-takes-all MMA fight contest. Hands up if you think they'll end up fighting each other? Okay. Hands down. Hands up if you think they don't? Hey! You! With your hand up - get the hell out!! Did you even look at the picture above??? As you might expect, this plays out in entirely predictable fashion, with a strong cast trying to make the most of a thinly-characterised story, although they can do nothing to stop the film sliding into highly implausible territory as things progress. Most damningly of all, given the set-up, it doesn't land any emotional gut-punch, which really is rather unforgivable. On the plus side, we get to marvel at Tom Hardy's neck muscles, Nick Nolte growls agreeably as the protagonists flawed father, and there's two obligatory training montages for the price of one, filmed in split screen. That said, watch Bloodsport instead.
I never bothered catching up with X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Gavin Hood, 2009) until now because everyone said it was the weakest of the X-Men films. That's not quite fair...no, wait...actually it's an entirely fair assessment. It's not that it's terrible....no, wait....actually it IS pretty bad; a joyless, muddled addition to the X-Men canon, with little humour or sense on display as it rages from one wham-bam-snikt! set-piece to another. It isn't as silly....no, wait...actually it IS quite silly. Particularly silly moments involve a man in a fat-suit, Wolverine attacking a helicopter and will.i.am trying to act. No Mystique either. Boooooo!!! Watch X2 instead.
Well, that was disappointing. Turns out celebrity A-list actors can also make bad films. Who'd have thunk it? Well 24 down, 2 to go.....Coming soon.
Previously on the Alphabet Film Project....
A-B-C
Atlantic City
Blood of Fu Manchu
Curse of Frankenstein
D-E-F
Django
Esio Trot
Festen
G-H-I
Gremlins 2: The New Batch
Hiroshima Mon Amour
Ils
J-K-L
Julius Caesar
Klute
Late Chrysanthemums
M-N-O
Metropolis
Notorious
Ohayo
Perks of Being a Wallflower
Quatermass and the Pit
Roman Holiday
Roman Holiday
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