Godzilla (Gareth Edwards, 2014)

What's it about? You might think it's about a giant atomic-breathing monster stomping on things, but in fact it's a thinly-veiled allegory about the Catholic Church's intolerance of pre-marital sex.

Is it any good? Not really. At best, it's an earnest, well-realised, but rather confused and quite dull homage to the original Godzilla. But quite clearly, it's all about how God (Godzilla) and various do-gooders come down hard on two young Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organisms (MUTOs), who only want to have sex and grow babies. Like most teenagers, they're uncommunicative, awkward about their bodies, and somewhat destructive, but the Catholic Church frowns upon such youthful degeneracy, particularly if they are planning to reproduce before getting properly hitched. So they are dealt with destructive Old Testament radioactive-fire-and-brimstone fashion by Godzilla, their babies are taken away and destroyed, whilst the boring family unit of the bland, but crucially married, hero (Aaron Taylor Johnson) is spared. In another parallel with the dubious practices of the Catholic Church, the film reveals the truth behind some revisionist history which was fed to the unsuspecting masses to keep them docile. And to think if the film had been better, I wouldn't even have thought about this stuff.

I don't trust you. What do others think? Well, let's see what the original, and best, Godzilla thinks...

What does the Fonz think? God-dull-a